The Other Mother by Matthew Dicks

Author:Matthew Dicks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group

sixteen

Brian Marcotte needs me. That’s why he pretends to be my friend. It feels good to be liked, even if it’s not real, and even if I don’t like Brian all that much. Brian’s in three of my classes. He talks to me, lends me pencils, and makes me laugh. When no one talks to you or even looks in your direction, it’s easy to feel invisible. You start feeling like you don’t belong. Like no one even knows that you exist.

Brian makes me look and feel like a part of the world.

I know Brian’s not a real friend because I’m not friends with his other friends. They’re all serious gamers. Guys who hang out in basements and play the latest version of games that Julia calls “Shoot Blood Kill Stupid.” Brian’s never invited me to play, even though he knows that I play the same games at home. He sort of keeps me on the side. It’s like he’s built a wall between his real life and me.

But a fake friend is better than no friend at all. I know most people would say this is stupid, but that’s because most people have friends. They don’t understand how humiliating it is to be alone while surrounded by so many people. They don’t know what it’s like to walk from class to class every day without a single person to talk to. Or to never have anyone save you a seat in the auditorium or the cafeteria. Sometimes I pretend to be texting on my phone rather than sitting alone before class with no one to talk to. Having people think that someone like Brian Marcotte is your friend—even when you know he really isn’t—is a very good thing for someone like me. It makes me feel real.

I have Jeff, too, but Jeff is in seventh grade. He’s fourteen months younger than me. If I was twenty-five and he was twenty-four, fourteen months wouldn’t matter. But in middle school, fourteen months makes Jeff a seventh-grade loser, which means I’m supposed to ignore him.

But I don’t.

I don’t see Jeff much during the school day. He eats lunch before me. Most of his classes are downstairs. His locker is downstairs. We only see each other in study hall a couple times a week and every morning in band.

Jeff and I play the flute, which is a bullshit instrument for a boy to play. Mom made me play it because the trumpet and drums are too loud. Jeff’s older sister played the flute before she quit in high school, so he was forced to play the hand-me-down. That’s how we became friends. We both got stuck playing the stupid flute. It’s me and Jeff and about eight girls who all can play better than us because they’re girls so they actually practice. We sit in the back row together, pretending to play half the time.

Next year, Jeff will still be in middle school, and I’ll be alone in high school.

I haven’t told Jeff about my plan with Brian.

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